WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
