I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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