Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
