Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
