Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
