I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you had me at cake vodka
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
