nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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