Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
