I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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