C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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