Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
you made out with another girl for some wings
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
