Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
