Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
