Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
