He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
then he tried to convert me to islam
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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