Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
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So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
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You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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