Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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