i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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