elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Send help, water and tortillas.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
