So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
