you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
