Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
