Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
