Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
