All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
