Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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