ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
