I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
