Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she told me i tasted like america
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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