Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
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my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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