Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
