In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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