he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
