yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
