we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
