coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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