Umm I'm too high to move.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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