I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
it's great music for shaving your balls
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
