So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
