I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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