Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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