I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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