I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
