I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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