Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
