dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
