Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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