He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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