Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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