I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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