i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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