for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
