How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
