I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think my vagina is haunted
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
