Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
