...so i touched it.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
