WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
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I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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