dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
