My room smells like vodka and shame
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
