Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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