Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
