i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
