Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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