Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
