i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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