Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
