So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
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what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
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U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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