Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
