I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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