I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
