i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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